Perceiving love as an inducement for the individual to ripen

A  venomous suicide note of a young actress got published in newspapers a few days back, about a week after her death. The letter accused her boy-friend (another aspiring young actor) for being the person responsible for her decision to take her life.  A letter, strong enough to destroy the boy and his career! The message of the letter was clear – “I am leaving this world. So my dear love, I am taking you and your career with me”. The boy has been called a rapist and a murderer and has been put to jail for questioning and trial. The letter has created waves in social media and the female chauvinist society took up this incident as an opportunity to teach men how they should behave in a relationship and women on how they should act if a relationship is going wrong.

I don’t want to judge or to comment on the scenario that could have made the girl take up the decision to suicide. If someone decides to experience death, it is their very personal choice. No one has the right to comment on that. But the matter worth discussing about a ‘decision to suicide because of a relationship gone bad’ is the way the young generation perceives love and relationships.

The below piece is taken from Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet.

It is also good to love: because love is difficult. 

For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps 

the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, 

the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which

 all other work is merely preparation. 

That is why young people, who are beginners in everything, 

are not yet capable of love: it is something they must learn. 

With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered around their solitary, 

anxious, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love. 

But learning-time is always a long, secluded time, and therefore loving, 

for a long time ahead and far on into life, is: solitude, a heightened 

and deepened kind of aloneness for the person who loves. 

Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person 

(for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified, unfinished, and still incoherent?),

 it is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, 

to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person; 

it is a great, demanding claim on him, something that chooses him 

and calls him to vast distances. 

Only in this sense, as the task of working on themselves 

("to hearken and to hammer day and night"), may young people 

use the love that is given to them. Merging and surrendering and 

every kind of communion is not for them (who must still, 

for a long, long time, save and gather themselves); it is the ultimate, 

is perhaps that for which human lives are as yet barely large enough.

Just like that moment..All the time

"It was like the moment when a bird decides not to eat from your hand,
and flies, just before it flies, the moment the rivers seem to still
and stop because a storm is coming, but there is no storm, as when
a hundred starlings lift and bank together before they wheel and drop,
very much like the moment, driving on bad ice, when it occurs to you
your car could spin, just before it slowly begins to spin, like
the moment just before you forgot what it was you were about to say,
it was like that, and after that, it was still like that, only
all the time."Marie Howe
The Good Thief via Whiskey River

Conditioning and Clarity

When I was young, I used to have a lot of Imaginary friends. I used to play with them for hours, talk, laugh and fight.I used to play the role of the speaker and listener from both ends. Sometime in between, as I was growing older, I stopped talking to them. Because  at some point of time, an idea got into my mind that every action should be associated with a motive. When you smile at someone, you should expect the other person to smile back. If you love someone, you should expect being loved back. If the action is not associated with a motive, like me talking to my imaginary friend, it will look insane to the rest of the world. And whatever that does not make sense to the society, should not make sense to you. The sad part is that as we grow older we loose our charm, spontaneity and forget (forced to forget) even our basic instincts. We become more of mechanical beings governed by pre-set algorithms on how to think and how to act.

#  Comprehending a long unproductive conversation, where I failed to convince a friend a simple fact that 'a conditioned mind can never see things the way they really are, with clarity'