A few days back my good friend, Radhul was discussing with
me his experiences with the other person inside him. He said that he is very
often able to witness from outside as a third man, the conflict between the
other person, his ego, the strong guy who drives him and the his super weak
real self. While we were discussing this, he said that at that very moment he
could see that the other person was getting insecure about his existence being
brought into light and that he was trying to convince hid mind that there are
no two guys but only one.
The other person is very smart, our awareness about his existence lasted only up till the end of our discussion. By the time we were
back home, both of us even forgot what we have discussed. This strong guy,
without letting our consciousness know, made us forget about his existence .He
knows that awareness is the key to transformation and this transformation means
he getting weaker and weaker. So he wont allow this awareness to last. Indeed
he is strong enough to push your real self to back seat any day. Our true self
is the strongest at birth and the other person is the weakest at that point. But
our parents and society start feeding the other person from the time of birth and the true self remain
malnutritioned. At the age of 24, the other person inside me is like a strength athlete
with over 2 decades of regular training experience and my real self, like a malnutritioned
kid who never trained in his life.
This whole discussion we had made me remember a personal
experience where I literally got split up into two, where i got to witness a
tough conflict between the two guys inside me. One thing that amazed me the
most was that, though it was an intense experience, the whole event somehow got
coverd up within me afterwards. This happened when I was sitting in front of a
girl for whom my real self had some intense feelings for. After years of preparation,
I was all set to confess my love for her. This would basically mean a
submission of my ego before her. I was not sure whether I would do it, even
when I was sitting right in front of her. The other person inside my was pretty
confident that I am not going to do it. But this love thing, is like a heavy
dose steroid injection on the butt of my real self. So he got stronger, strong
enough to give the other person a good fight. At that very moment, i
experienced some sort of hormonal rush inside my body and the awareness that my
real self is getting stronger made the other person react like a beast. He was
pulling my real self down with all the strength he had. I did tell her, how I
felt about her, but not in the way my real self wanted to do it.
I remember reading somewhere "Anything that frightens
you may contain a clue to enlightenment". This fear is an attribute of the
other person inside you. One thing that frightens your real self the most is
the awareness of his existence. More you are aware of his existence the more
you are on the path.
